Bailey in 2010 -- No change whatsoever

Well, that was disappointing.

I took a break from my job as an Advance-Titan staff writer to work as the press secretary for a Congressional candidate. The reward: A 26 percent drubbing at the hands of a 30-year incumbent. But I learned a lot, which is why I’m announcing right now my candidacy for Congress in 2010…as a joke.

As far as I know it’s never been done. I plan to gather the required 1,000 signatures and then do nothing. I will make no promises and offer no new ideas to better the life of the people. I estimate that I’ll still probably get about 30 percent of the vote.

The only problem I see is my pure and utter boredom, which is why I’ve developed a series of issues that I believe are extremely important to the people of this district. My top priorities will be:

1. Driving on the left side of the road.
For too long, we’ve been preoccupied as a nation on driving on the other side, but times are changing. Are we really willing to be stuck in the past as the world embraces the future, in particular driving like people in England? Change is something I believe in, and I think the people of this great nation are sick and tired of driving on the right-hand side. If we have to face oncoming traffic to accomplish this goal, so be it. I’m willing to seriously injure others for this cause.

2. A sweeping health care initiative.
Namely, banning all hospitals. We don’t need ‘em. They take up too much valuable space that we could be using for casinos or golf courses. I know that when I’m feeling sick, nothing makes me feel better than the thrill of hitting on 17. As your Congressman, I will fight against these greedy doctors whose selfish “life-saving” agendas are bankrupting the Americans in America.

3. Running an extremely negative campaign.
I’ll likely be running against Rep. Tom Petri, who in reality is a really nice guy and an honest person. Will I be mentioning that in my campaign? Hell no. Instead I will rely on a number of baseless attacks, using many outright lies. Try this one I’m working on: “Tom Petri hates cheese.” Probably untrue, but all of a sudden I’ve painted him as anti-cow. Who would vote in favor of that? Not me, and not Wisconsin and/or America (whichever you prefer). What do you have to say to that, Mr. Petri?

4. No more salmon.
Every arrogant self-righteous a-hole likes to order this over-priced item at posh restaurants despite the fact that it tastes like crap. Why? Because they think it makes them look sophisticated. I’ll put an end to it. I don’t think I even have to mention the whole swimming upstream thing. Salmon, your reign in American cuisine is over, along with that weird mango sauce that they serve with you.

5. Annexing the Upper Peninsula.
I think we all know that the U.P. of Michigan belongs to us. They watch the Packers, and…well actually that’s the only reason I’ve ever heard for why they should be part of Wisconsin. Good enough for me. Plus, I doubt the lower part of Michigan will really care.

6. Taking away all of your guns.
You read that correctly. I’m going to personally visit every house in Wisconsin, nonchalantly search up and down for any type of firearm while you’re in the bathroom, and take it away immediately. Then I’m going to take this stockpile of guns, melt them all down, and from the metal, make better guns. Then I’ll redistribute them back to you. That’s my promise.

7. Repealing the 25th Amendment.
We all know that the first 10 were the best, but this one really sucks. It has something to do with presidential succession. I don’t know, I haven’t read it. I think Congress must’ve gotten really bored after getting rid of Prohibition and they just wanted to write a new amendment, and this was the best they could come up with. Seriously, “when the President transmits his written declaration that no inability exists, he shall resume the powers and duties of his office”? What were they smoking?

8. Giving myself a raise.
The best thing about being a Congressman is that you don’t have a boss. So, if I want to pass a bill that gives me a bonus, all I have to do is get a majority of my colleagues to agree, all of whom will also benefit from it. Anyone want to guess how hard that’d be to accomplish? It’s like working the drive-thru at Hardee’s and whenever you feel like it you can increase you and your co-workers’ pay, and the day shift manager can do nothing about it. It sounds pretty awesome to me, and the grill guys will thank you.

There, I did something. This will be my platform for my run for Congress in 2010. Don’t expect to see me on the campaign trail or mingling with wealthy political contributors, but I will be on the ballot, which will be a victory for Democracy in itself.

I would appreciate your support on Nov. 2, 2010. Please remember to do absolutely no research on the candidates before you cast your vote. And, as the Obama campaign drilled into our heads repeatedly this past month, you can always vote early.

Buchanan on Colbert

I had no idea Pat Buchanan had a sense of humor...

Is she done yet?

After Tuesday's results, it's blatantly obvious who's going to win the Democratic nomination. Obama has less than 200 delegates to secure it, which was considered mathematically impossible a couple months ago. Obama trounced Clinton in North Carolina, and Hillary narrowly won in Indiana, but not by enough.

The moment came shortly after midnight Eastern time, captured in a devastatingly declarative statement from Tim Russert of NBC News: “We now know who the
Democratic nominee’s going to be, and no one’s going to dispute it,” he said on
MSNBC. “Those closest to her will give her a hard-headed analysis, and if they
lay it all out, they’ll say, ‘What is the rationale? What do we say to the
undeclared super delegates tomorrow? Why do we tell them you’re staying in the
race?’ And tonight, there’s no good answer for that.”

- New York Times

Hillary's only hope was to round up a bunch of super delegates at the convention. According to most pundits, that possibility has faded away.

Pro-choice activist goes too far

A UW-Stevens Point student senator attempted to destroy a display made by Pointers for Life, a pro-life organization last weekend. The protest featured a "graveyard" of 4,000 crosses to symbolize the number of abortions in the U.S. each day.

Roderick King apparently saw the display, and instead of launching a peaceful protest of his own, decided to start taking down the crosses one by one.

See the video here (embedding was disabled for this one).

As someone who is personally pro-choice, I find the graveyard a little offensive. However, it's obviously a First Amendment protection for the group to protest. King had no right to destroy the display simply because he disagreed with it.

King is a prime example of why liberals are sometime stereotyped as being irrational. But it's important to note that most of us can identify a wacko when we see one...even on our own side of the aisle.

Lifting gas tax...bad idea!

Both Hillary Clinton and John McCain say they would support a three-month lift on the gas tax to help ease rising fuel costs this summer. (NY Times article)

However, Barack Obama calls the idea "pandering" and a poor, temporary solution that will only get us deeper into the oil crisis. He's dead on.

Lifting the tax will cause gas to decrease about 18 cents per gallon immediately. However, the simple laws of supply and demand come into play just as fast. With cheaper gas, more people will be willing to drive, causing more demand. This will cause prices to rise higher than they would have in the first place over the summer, likely wiping out that 18 cent break.

Because a substantial portion of this tax goes to the U.S. Department of Transportation, another question arises about our federal infrastructure. With last summer's bridge collapse in Minneapolis, can we really afford to cut costs on upkeep with our roads? Anti-big-government politicos like to criticize bureaucracy until a disaster occurs due to a lack of it.

Clinton suggests the holiday, but also says the U.S. should raise its taxes on the oil companies themselves to make up for it. It seems to me that this temporary "relief" is just a band-aid on what will definitely become the nation's worst fuel crisis since the late 70s.

The former first lady loves to talk about her experience. However, it appears that its Obama with the knack for economics, something we haven't seen from a president in decades.

Sustainability plan leads to fair trade recognition for UWO

Within the next few weeks, UW-Oshkosh will become the first in the United States to be recognized as a fair trade university.

The campus is making a commitment to the use of many fair trade products, which focuses on paying fair prices to producers and advocating higher standards for sustainability in the making of goods.

"The point is that the people raising these products should have a living wage," said David Barnhill, Environmental Studies professor.

The accomplishment is just one small part of the new Campus Sustainability Plan, unveiled

Tuesday after more than a year and a half of work. The plan outlines 12 top priorities in reducing the university's environmental impact.

"Everyone's going green," said Chancellor Richard Wells. "It seems like every time you turn around, everything's green and everything's sustainable. We really want to be doing it in a fundamental way and move forward as an institution."

The plan focuses on four main areas: operations, teaching, research and outreach. Facilities Management Director Steve Arndt is taking on the operations aspect.

One "ambitious" goal, as Arndt put it, is to become 100 percent independent of fossil fuels by 2012. That would require either remodeling or replacing the heating plant on the north side of campus.

"Sustainability is becoming part of our thinking process in how we do things," Arndt said. "The power plant is proof of that."

In the teaching phase, faculty will have the opportunity to incorporate sustainability into classrooms by either modifying courses or creating new ones.

"We hope we're going to be seeding a widespread diffusion of sustainability in courses on this campus," Barnhill said. "Hopefully most of our students will have somewhere down the line encountered the idea of sustainability."

Barnhill also looks forward to using UW-Oshkosh as a subject of research.

"We're planning to have both faculty and student research to look at what we're doing and how we can do it better," he said.

The sustainability team composed of 28 faculty and staff members, launched the effort to create the plan in October 2006. The 124-page document outlines the university's attempt to become a national leader in sustainability. Other priorities include hiring a full-time director of sustainability, performing a campus-wide energy use study and expanding the campus audit on environmental impact.

One such audit several years ago showed that the university was imbalanced in its focus on sustainability.

"We were heavy in terms of doing the work on sustainability in our operation planning, but really not focusing on the research and outreach part of it," Wells said of past practices.

Arndt said that the energy study should show which areas of campus need a reduction in usage. Another time to cut energy use is during winter and summer breaks.

"We're going to try to consolidate and shut down different things when there's no one around," he said.

Students help cast for popular game show

Four UW-Oshkosh students recently got the chance to say "Deal or No Deal."

No, they weren't contestants on the popular NBC game show, but they did get to determine which hopefuls would inch closer to that fate. Students Kyla Morris, Ryan Wing, Nicole Klein and Randi Smalley were production assistants for a day for casting directors of the show.

"There were people who tried to get your attention by singing or coming up with rhymes, but we based our decisions on just being genuine and having a good personality," Morris said.

The open casting call was April 2 at the Bay Park Square Mall in Ashwaubenon, with callbacks on April 3. Morris was asked to return for the second day to assist NBC executives with determining potential finalists.

Those trying out had 20 seconds to impress the assistants enough to move on to a second round, where the actual casting directors would take a look at them. Most used the time to tell something interesting about themselves.

Wing said that there were thousands of candidates, so the short time limit was understandable. "It doesn't seem like that much time, but when you're actually telling something I think your personality can show through in 20 seconds," he said. "If they really wanted to be on the show, I think they could make it work."

Contestants on the show, which is hosted by comedian Howie Mandel, pick from 26 briefcases containing different cash amounts. The more high numbers that are kept in play the better, with the top prize being $1 million.

Wing said that there was a long line and that some had to wait up to several hours to audition. "Personally, if I was the one trying out, I would've been a little upset to have to wait seven hours, and then I only get 20 seconds (to audition)," he said. "But I understand the fact that they had over 5,000 people there trying out that day."

Radio-TV-Film professor Doug Heil helped set the students up with the opportunity. The assistants asked contestants about their personality and questions such as what they would do if they won the million dollars.

Morris said the experience was extremely valuable to her, as she wants to become a producer at some point in her career. The junior is actively involved in a variety of projects within her major.

"Seeing the organization on what happens before it gets to the show time and to see how much goes into picking one contestant for the show totally helps," she said. "I got to learn how they pick the people, what they consider and all the questions that are involved."

Wing, a senior who wants to be a sports broadcaster, estimated that he personally went through more than 600 people and worked about 12 hours. The doors closed at 4 p.m., but NBC executives kept seeing those in line for five hours after that.

He also said that although that particular area of the entertainment industry isn't something he's going into for a career, the day was a great experience overall.

"It helped me a lot to learn the process of casting because that's always an opportunity I could pursue if I chose to," he said. "It taught me how that side worked, which was interesting."

Morris said that the experience also opened the door for the students to meet with professionals in the field. "All of the production assistants had the opportunity to get (casting directors') contact information after the gig was over," she said.

The process to appear on the actual show is long, so Morris said she has no idea if any from the casting call will make it through. After the first two rounds on Tuesday, there was a third round on Wednesday where casting directors made their final decisions on who would be considered.

"It could take up to a year for them to hear anything once they make it past round three," Morris said.